One day I will not have to work on New Years, and I'll be able to party hard and have the most memorable time but until then, I will drink the apple cider and go to bed.
2018 has been the most challenging year thus far, but I didn't hate it. Looking back I have had many of smiles and many of tears and frustrations, but I wouldn't change it. I have gained so many new friends, even after losing a few. Going to Hawaii and Arizona with my best friends. Trying new things...Adderall. HA.
To put it short. it was a Kylie Jenner year of realizing things.
I am definitely ready to make 2019 my year.
MY 2019 GOALS:
Eat more home cooked meals
Put myself out there more.
Become a conscious spender
I honestly have no really big plans for 2019 besides getting my own apartment, paying off my car and adopting 10 dogs.
Wish me luck!
If I have to write one more post about ex's. I will literally carve their eyes out.
Why are boys so dumb?
I have never wanted to punch someone more in my entire life, and I am pretty aggressive.
My ex is the biggest manipulative liar I have ever met, and the biggest mooch. So I feel the need to share the tea about how shady he is, also because I am sure my friends are tired of me talking about it so why not tell the whole world and get it off my chest for the last time.
So about that tea:
After my dramatic ass self "removed' P from snap chat a few months later after being broken up, we had come to what seemed to be a mutual agreement that we missed each other, but P did not want to be in a relationship while he was out of state working, which is totally understandable. Yet I was asked to come see him, and was told I was missed many times. At one point I had told P that I could come down and see him and he had sent me a snap of FIRST CLASS TICKETS TO HAWAII, stating that he was going for work, but I have my ways of knowing things and I know that this trip was all for fun and games, I also know he didn't pay for any of it. As always, he never pays for anything. Nonetheless I turned a blind eye. After his trip he had called and asked me to pick him up from the airport in Anchorage. I was literally so shocked and surprised that he was coming back to Anchorage for Christmas. I thought it was the biggest Christmas surprise, I was literally so surprised I hung up on him, and immediately called my friends in tears telling them how sweet it was that he was going to come here and that he wanted me to get him. So freakin romantic. He could have been going to Chicago to see his family and he was coming to Alaska. Well the day comes and radio silence. Nothing. I called, I texted, no response. I finally asked him if I was even going to see see him and he replied "busy." That was the last and final time I have heard from him. A few days went on and I told our mutual friend what happened. Do you want to know the response???
"Yeah he never came to Alaska."
What the freak!!! How do you play someone like that??? Especially someone that cared for you and was willing to deal with your childish ways.
P if you're reading this I hope you grow the fuck up, and learn to support yourself.
I am currently listening to a very sad breakup playlist on Spotify, pretending my life is worse than it probably actually is. I traded off my shift tonight so I could be home alone with my dog. I come home to my roommate on the couch being cutesy with her new boy. I'm instantly even more upset than I was all day...and trust me I was crying in a hallway today.
Its not her fault.
Not entirely. Just kidding girl, its totally not her fault
I broke up with my then boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. We can call him P. Why did we break up you might ask? Because I am an idiot. No, I am not an idiot. I thought I was doing what was best. Best for me. but I regret it. And of course I had to break up with him dramatically because thats just who I am. I WROTE A LETTER. Gosh I wish I would have copied it or something to I could cringe at what I wrote; but what I wrote was true. I have never not told him how I felt. Anyways, I freaking wrote him this letter and then DROVE 45 minutes to his house and dropped it off with all the things that he had left at my house.
P. told me he wanted to talk in person, unfortunately we never had the chance and he left the state for work. He will be gone for quite awhile and wants to focus on work. Which is basically saying he doesn't want to talk anymore. He says that he "wants to focus on what he is doing."
I get it but it still sucks.
So I was told the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else right??
This by far has been the worst advice that I have even been given. Naturally I turned to Tinder, and tried to move on. I have hung out with some boys in the last week or so and have hated every single one of them.
Long story short I miss my ex.
For the past week and a half I have been completely miserable. I was staying home, not eating, not talking to anyone.
My question is, why do break ups suck? Yes, I broke up with him but still it sucks.
My next question is why do we let ourselves feel like shit about it in the end, and how am I going to get over it?
I don't know why we trip ourselves up over it but here is how I'm dealing
1. Cut and Color your hair.
2. Get your nails done
3. Bubble baths! *must have a bath bomb or it doesn't count
4. Read a book
5. Go out for drinks with friends (Girls Night...specifically country night)
6. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT CONTACT THEM
I have always been really bad at taking care of my face. I hardly ever remember to take off my make up or brush my hair out before bed. Over the past month I have made more of an effort to take care of my face. I have successfully washed my face every night except for two. Can I have a round of applause please??
See these babies? These are my holy grail, my number one, the loves of my life. OK a little dramatic right? But these things are amazing. I would say at least 90% of the time I have clear skin, all thanks to these babes.
Lets look at my every day routine. I love the Clinique 3 Step Skin Care line. I use the mild version in the face wash and the type 2 clarifying lotion, (thats the purple one.) The yellow lotion, also comes in different options. You can get the gel version or the regular version, which is the one I use. The gel formula is best for people who have oily skin. You can buy the three step set here. The next is a face oil, I use the Derma-e Radiant Glow face oil. I use this interchangeably with my Clinique moisturizer. Buy it here. The next two products are from FORMULA 10.0.6. They are both blemish creams. The first one is Rescue Me and it is a spot treatment, get it here. The second one is On Your Mark, its a blemish mark fader, helps with dark spots and acne scaring. You can get it here. And lastly, of my daily items, yes, the very typical rose water. I use rose water for everything, after my lotion, before and after my makeup and during face masks to keep them active longer. Get it here.
Alright, now on to the items I use weekly to help keep my pores clear and my skin hydrated. Keep in mind I don't use these all every week. I just pay attention to how my skin is feeling that week and use what I feel is necessary. Starting with the Bioré charcoal pore strips. Is it just me or does everyone like peeling them off and looking to see what comes out of their skin? Buy them here. Next is the FORMULA 10.0.6 face masks, I really like the Be Berry Clear illuminating peel mask and the Deep Down Detox ultra cleansing mud mask. I use the the first one if my skin is feeling dull and the second one if I feel any type of break outs coming.. typically around that time of the month. You can get them both at Ulta and they are under 10 bucks. Next is the Body Shop's Brattish Rose Fresh Plumping Mask, again I use this if my skin is not looking glowy enough. Buy it here. Then we have Mario Badescu Silver Powder. This totally sucks everything out of my pores and it's probably my favorite product. Get it here. To apply my face masks, I just use a random elf brush. I hate using my fingers! It was probably $2 at target. And again, rose water. Like I said before, I use this to keep my masks from drying out while they are on my face. Once a mask is dry it is no longer active so to make it last long you need to keep it wet. I mist my masks maybe twice and it really helps!
So there you have it ladies, everything you need for you best face.
Love ya xoxo
"Two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers. Perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world." Sometimes there is blame, sometimes it's unintentional, but all doors have to close at some point. Sometimes you have to accept that it is time. Wether it is a job, a relationship, a friendship, etc. it it okay to say good bye. Especially if it no longer serves you. If it brings negativity or does not let you progress with your life goals...DROP THAT SHIT! Some doors need to close for others to open. For example, Fairbanks Boy, god bless the girl that falls for his bullshit. Slamming the door on that one! Saying good bye to him was probably one of the best things that has happened to me this summer. I got to meet a cool dude through my good friend. He's alright if anyone was wondering. (He won't let me write about him so be on the look out for a secret post shh!) As for jobs, I am slowly realizing that it is okay to not like your job and it is also okay to look for other opportunities. I may or may not be currently looking *insert girl with the hands up emoji* gasp! Sometimes a friendship simply falls apart. Sometimes it's no one is a fault, and sometimes people can't admit when they are wrong... Regardless if neither of you are ready to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, it's time to say good bye. I accept the things that no longer serve me and I say good bye to the sadness and negativity you bring me.
I am so off my game. Weeks have gone by and I haven't posted anything in a hot minute but I'll make it up to y'all.
Last month I flew to Phoenix Arizona to celebrate a good friends birthday. Three days in 100 degree weather. Staying in a fancy 10 bedroom house, laying out by the pool and of course Post Malone to top off the trip.
Post Malone was by far one of the best concerts I have seen live by far. The concert was at the Rawhide Event center in Chandler AZ. When I say this place was packed, I mean I could not even move, let alone dance. I couldn't even see Post. But somehow surrounded by my friends and the music I had the best time. I wish I had pictures from the concert, but you'd only be seeing the backs of peoples heads!
Check out the house we stayed at below!
I have been on a makeup diet! Lately I have not bought any because I have been trying to use what I got, but it doesn't mean I haven't been eyeballing my Ulta app looking for some new goodies. Its all been added to my shopping cart and let me tell you it's half my paycheck!
Here are the top items I want to purchase. I figured I'd create my "dream face"
1. DR BRANT PORES NO MORE PRIMER
2. L.A. GIRL PRO. MATTE FOUNDATION
3. TARTE SHAPE TAPE CONCEALER
4. OFRA COSMETICS PRESSED BANNANA POWDER
5. TARTE AMAZONIAN CLAY MATTE BRONZER-PARK AVE PRINCESS
6.ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS SUGAR GLOW KIT
7. URBAN DECAY NAKED PETITE HEAT EYESHADOW PALETTE
8. BENEFIT GIMME BROW+
9. BUXOM FULL ON LIP CREAM-MOSCOW MULE
10. MORPHE 502 BRUSH SET
All for a total of $313.99. I cringe at that price but slowly I will have all of these!
So I am an asshole. Apparently I am also a woman who plays men. I am not quite sure what that means. My guess is that I’m a hoe, but I don’t want to look too far into it.
I hurt someone who cared a lot more than I thought they did. We will call him Fairbanks dude.
I have talked to Fairbanks dude for a little while now. As a usual tinder boy, it was off and on. But usually more on than off. He’s such a sweet guy, which is very weird to be because all the tinder dudes usually suck ass.
Anyways Fairbanks dude read my blog, which is not a bad thing; but he didn’t like what I have written about the dudes in my previous posts. Which is fine, to each their own. It caused us to get in a pretty big fight. Things almost ended. Thankfully I know how to sweet talk my way out of tricky situations.
I don’t always make the best choices, I’m pretty freaking dumb. Like for example when he reads this I might be in trouble again because he’s a “private” person. But it’s not like I’m talking about our sex life (it’s nonexistent at the moment) whoops… so hopefully its fine. Moving on, Fairbanks dude, I know a good thing when I see one, and I will do my best to not mess it up again.. I don’t know where this will go. Maybe it will go to Fairbanks, maybe even Boston. One thing is for sure, I know this is something I want.
I hate that hashtag so freaking much. I am currently drinking wine like it is juice, wishing today was over. Unfortunately it's too early to call it a night. Otherwise I think I would be in bed already. It was a bad day. More like bad week. I don't know what it was, between work, my roommate drama, or my relationships, one thing after another kept popping up. Which by the way the roommate drama has been resolved. THANK YOU JESUS. But really, I have been an emotional train wreck the last day and a half. I think it's such crap the people tell you you cannot have a bad day. I have had a bad week and I am totally OK with it. Own it and get through it, whether it's with wine or friends or even both; it's totally doable.
Two bottles of wine, some pizza and ice cream, and a very dramatic crying session with my best friend, I feel completely back to normal. I am writing this the next day because last night I could not function. Besides the point, I think it was necessary to address my struggles, let them affect me the way they did, accept it and move on . It made me stop and think about the things that are important to me what realize what wasn't. Wow I sound like Kylie Jenner, "like realizing things..." Bad days happen to be a good learning experience.
Here is what I learned:
1. Wine fixes everything
2. It's OK to ugly cry on your friend, it's not OK to get snot on them
3. A good cry will put you to bed quicker than any sleep aide ever will
4. If you know you're going to have a rough night, call a friend
5. A good friend knows to bring ice cream
6. A good friend will also let you drink all the wine
7. Bad days come and go, so will your problems...unless you get herpes the shit sticks.
8. Remember to things could be worse. And if you're like me you probably over exaggerate 80% of the things that are happening to you
9. Puppy kisses make everything better
10. Always address your problems head on!
Honestly if you haven't met me or heard me talk about my most recent "drama," let me tell you. Its my roomie.
If you haven't read my twinsies post please go do it. Like NOW.
And if you have let me give you an update to that story. After I told her that I knew Legs, she proceeded to have LOUD SEX with him. So loud I could literally give you a play by play of every thing that they were doing. After about 15 minutes of that nonsense I had to leave the house and go for a drive. I could not do it.
Well it keeps happening.
But wait there's more!
She now has a different boy at the house. He has been at the house every day this week. He's even doing his laundry at the house, and making breakfast and drinking my coffee! He's loud and obnoxious and yells at her dog. So with that being said here are my top 10 laws on being a good person/roommate.
1. Control your animal.
2. Do your dishes.
3. Clean the stove.
4. Do not leave clothes in the washer or dryer.
5. Do not leave your shit in the living room.
6. Always fix the couch cushions.
7. Do not have loud sex. Don't be a bitch, use a pillow.
8. Do not have sex if the other person is awake. Or at least turn on the tv. I don't want to hear anything smacking around.
9. Let each other's animals out.
10. Always keep the other persons parking spot open.
Now I by no means am saying I'm perfect at this but damn do I try.